I Gained Weight, And That's Fine
I'm gonna start this post off by ripping it off like a band-aid. Right now, I weigh 150 pounds. I'm sure most of you are like who gives a fuck? For me, it's the most I've ever weighed and it's a weird feeling.
Growing up, I was a toothpick. My metabolism ran at 100 mph and it was a struggle just to keep some meat on my bones. I remember how hard it was for me to even reach 100 lbs and stay there. I could eat whatever I want and not worry about gaining weight and at the time, it seemed like a blessing.
While it was a blessing in some instances, it was also a curse. When high school rolled around and other girls started getting a butt and boobs, I didn't. I was flat as a board all the way around and got teased for it. I was tired of being small and would wish for just a teeeeenie bit of weight so I could fill out more. I would measure my weight by putting my arms in the air to see if my ribs showed. I knew that my rib cage being visible probably wasn't a good thing so I wasn't happy until I gained enough weight for them to still be hidden.
Around senior year is when the weight finally started to stick and baby hips peeked through. I was so happy to not be considered "borderline anorexic" anymore and to have guys actually look at me. All through college I had a little hourglass shape that I was proud of and would wear crop tops whenever possible to show my nonexistent stomach without people thinking I was "too small". At that time I weighed around 130 lbs.
I won't lie, when I saw that I was at 150 lbs I panicked. How and when did I gain that much?1 I looked in the mirror and saw the extra weight around my tummy and face. I told myself that I needed to cool the fuck out and stop eating so much so I didn't blow up. What if BB thought I was too big?
After my freakout, I took a breath and really looked at myself. Yes, I gained weight. Am I unhealthily overweight? Not even close. Do my clothes still fit? Yep. Does BB still think I'm attractive? Absolutely (you damn right I asked him). I'm developing more and more into a woman now and sometimes weight comes with it and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm still the same girl I was when I was 130 lbs.
I'm not sure why the big number got to me so much. I'm usually pretty confident about my physical appearance but sometimes I get a bit vulnerable. I see a lot of celebrities and friends that aren't paper thin but they're absolutely stunning so why can't I be? In the future I will be more vigilant about my meal proportions and eating healthier foods but I refuse to stress myself out about a number.
Have you had a similar experience?